Eat your Os!

Just a few quotes from the past few days:

Bean finishes eating and leaves the kitchen.
I stay w/ Bell while she finishes up.
Bean pops her head back into the kitchen and says, "hi! bye again!"
She walks away and Bell looks at me very seriously and says, "It was so good to see Bean."

Aunt Jill reading "Knuffle Bunny Free"

Bean's story: One day, not so long time ago, I had a big jumpy girl jumping on my bed. She said, "who you talking to?" She came downstairs and wake her daddy and her momma and her brothers and sisters and her grandma. They were all laughing. The End.

Grandma and Bean

How do you know Jesus loves you?
He loves my carrots on my nose. -Bell
He makes me. - Bean
He makes me. -Bell
He loves your cup. -Bell
No! He doesn't love my cup! - Bean

2 years ago - Bean (l) and Bell (r)

me- Bean. You need to finish your Os.
She screams and yells and whines.
me - (very seriously) Stop. Eat your Os.
AHHHH!!!! more tantrum
me- You can choose to cry and whine, but it WILL NOT change my mind.
(impish grin) yes it will change your mind.
No Bean. If you want to get down, you must finish your Os.
(again, smiling) no i must not, mommy.... (then she starts whispering in a bunch of gibberish smiling the whole time)
me- (trying not to laugh) "What are you talking about?"
I talk about spankin your bottom. (at this point she actually cackles at her own quick wit)
(long pause) -
me- (very seriously) Bean...eat your Os right... now.
Bean - um, I think I have to go potty.

(yeah sure you do)

too much love

"When we want to be something other than the thing God wants us to be, we must be wanting what, in fact, will not make us happy. Those Divine demands which sound to our natural ears most like those of a despot and least like those of a lover, in fact marshall us where we should want to go if we knew what we wanted. He demands our worship, our obedience, our prostration. Do we suppose that they can do Him any good, or fear like the chorus in Milton, that human irreverence can bring about 'His glory's diminution'? A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the wall of his cell....
We are bidden to 'put on Christ,' to become like God. That is, whether we like it or not, God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want. Once more, we are embarrassed by the intolerable compliment, by too much love, not too little."
-CS Lewis
Problem of Pain
Chapter 3

Bell (blue) and Bean (red) in their "car".

sick of sick

Been a bit slow posting. We are all on anti-biotics. 

This is how we feel:

Bean

Bell

Some of us have it worse than others. :) Hopefully we'll all be back to normal very soon.

story

I began to record Bell's "story" after she was at least 3-4 minutes in; and yet it just keeps going...

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

Less Like Scars

a beautiful song by a talented singer/songwriter

Less Like Scars
-Sara Groves

It's been a hard year • But I'm climbing out of the rubble • These lessons are hard • Healing changes are subtle • But every day it's... •
Less like tearing more like building • Less like captive more like willing • Less like breakdown more like surrender • Less like haunting more like remember •
And I feel you here • And you're picking up the pieces • Forever faithful •
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation • But you are able • And in your hands the pain and hurt • look less like scars and more like character •
• Less like a prison a prison more like my room • Less like a casket more like a womb • Less like dying more like transcending • Less like fear, less like an ending •
• And I feel you here • And you're picking up the pieces • Forever faithful • It seemed out of my hands a bad situation • But you are able • And in your hands the pain and hurt • look less like scars •
• Just a little while ago • I couldn't feel the power or the hope • I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing • Just a little while back • I was desperate, broken, laid out • Hoping you would come •
• And I need you • And I want you here • And I feel you... • • And I feel you here • And you're picking up the pieces • Forever faithful • It seemed out of my hands a bad situation • But you are able • And in your hands the pain and hurt • look less like scars • And in your hands the pain and hurt • look less like scars • And in your hands the pain and hurt • look less like scars • And more like character

milk mistake

This morning as we were going down the stairs, Bell turned to go back up.

Bean - where are you going, Bell?
Bell - to feed ducky so he don't get too much hungry.
Bean - Oh, well, watch out for all the animals!
Bell - OK, I'll give them a kiss so they don't get scared.
Bean - OK. That a good idea. Have fun!!!!
Bell - OK. I'll be right back.

and from yesterday:
Look! I have a "milk mistake"! Bell
me too! I have a milk mistake too! Bean
(milk on their upper lips... milk mustache)

1 AM chat with God

Last night, Bell woke up crying - screaming crying. I'm not sure what was wrong, but I have a couple ideas. (It's not really the point of this post, so I'll fill you in later)
I finally got her back to sleep, but I was laying there unable to go back to sleep completely, in that stage of drifting back and forth between awake and asleep. This conversation went through my head... multiple times in different pieces, but the same questions and answers. After awhile, I picked up the notebook and pen by my bed, turned on my light and started writing it down.
Now, before someone gets all worried about me, I'm not suggesting that I actually heard the voice of God, nor am I suggesting that I know what He would say. This is just what went on, in my own head... over and over. I felt peace after writing it down.

Why God?

I love you.

This does not feel like love.

My child, you  - can not - understand my love.

Why, God? Why this way? Why not another way?

A disease of the body, a disease of the mind... both die with the flesh. A disease of the soul he had not. (i guess the God voice in my head has fancy language - i don't know.... i just wrote it how i thought it) His soul, I protected. His soul is all that remains now. It is safe here with me. 

But, Lord, you could have made him better.

I did, child. He is free now.

But you could have made him better and left him here... with me.

I am here with you always. You need nothing else.

But I want him too. 

My love sees beyond what you want. Trust me, my child. I love you. I will hold on to your soul as I hold onto his. Trust me.


When I woke up later that morning, all I felt was the peaceful feeling that I felt after initially writing it down. I would have never remembered any of it.
He always keeps His promises. They are as numerous as we are undeserving. Why do we always ask for more when He gives so much already.
...this darn flesh

wacky blueberry

Today at breakfast:

Bananas are a kind of fruit. -me
But kitty cats are not food. - Bean
Um, no. You don't eat kitty cats. -me
That's GROSS! You just walk them. -Bell
Yeah, to people houses. -Bean

while eating blueberries:

I got the wacky one! -Bell
Oh. I didn't get any wacky ones. -Bean

Can I have some candy? -Bean
You can have a piece later, if you eat a good lunch. -me
No, no, no! (holding up her hand at me) I don't want to talk about it. -Bean

Bean

Bell

I didn't edit those pictures. But they're still pretty cute. :)

vogue

Strike a pose.

here kitty kitty

A glimpse into my afternoon:

 

Bean was really enjoying the role as "mama" to the Kitty (Bell). At one point the kitty tried to put the mama in time out. The mama said, "no no. mama's don't have time outs". 

so true, but wouldn't it be nice if we did!

I'd love a time out 29 minutes of quiet uninterrupted sitting. 

It's all in your perspective I guess.

morning at the park

Finally!
A morning beautiful enough for playing at the park without winter coats.
Hooray!

Bean

Bell

Bean

Bell

Bell

"oh look! a burning building"

What a gift of a day!

wonderful friends

I was going to spend time tonight working on a post about our trip to Indiana. (especially the crazy events of the drive there) But, instead, I'm completely absorbed in watching Brad and Emily (if you don't know, don't worry). I love them together and I'm so glad she won, but now, I don't have the umph for the post. So instead, here are some pictures of a wonderful time w/ really wonderful friends.

:) our host :)

Bell - such a common face from her

Ballet with friends

Bean

Flying Bean and Andy

Andy and super-bean

I am so blessed to have these amazing friends in my life. Lots of love to you all! :) The girls had a fantastic time and are still building you all towers and deciding where you can sleep when you "come to our house". :)

Fabulous!

I tend to be overly expressive at times. I'm aware of this and feel that it's a good quality when teaching and interacting with young children. I can get as excited as they do about little things and I usually don't even have to fake it much beyond what I really feel.
I'm realizing, now, through watching my girls, it can be "a little much" at times. It's scary to hear yourself in your children. These quotes are all from today... 1 day...

"Fabulous!" - Bean, while at Target (looking at socks.... socks)
"This is so really really hot. I love it. That's why I really love it." -Bell (talking about her tomato soup)
"You are very very silly. We as silly as Curious George" - Bean
"You feel much better mommy? You feel really great today?" -Bell (she's been asking me this since i was sick, 2 weeks ago)
"Whoa! I warned you. I warned you 9 times!!!!" -Bell
"No! You not warn me. I resting 'cause I so so soooooooooooooo so tired of playing." -Bean

~~~ there were more... these are all i managed to write down or remember. crazy.

it's a bit scary though.

This...well... they obviously get from me. Be sure to watch to the end.

a party and a picnic

This morning, I walked into the girls' room to get them up.
Bean points to Bell and says, "Zacchaeus has poopy in his diaper."
I look over at Bell, "Zacchaeus?" I ask.
"Yes?", she says.
I notice that Bean is standing and Bell is on her knees peeking over the side of the crib.
"Um, why are you on your knees?" I ask.
"Zaccheaus was a LITTLE man," she explains.
oh, right.
I just sat on the floor laughing. There is so much going on in those little brains.

I went upstairs to get dressed and this is what I saw on my way down about 8 min later.

yeah, they moved furniture into the entryway to have a "party". Notice Elmo is in the high-chair. They laid the blanket out for a "picnic" too. And, no joking, this happened in less than 8 min. If only they would follow my directions with such speed. :)

90 years

90 years is a long time to live
Great-Grandma celebrated her 90th birthday this weekend and I'm amazed to think of all she's witnessed in her lifetime. Her stories of growing up on a farm seem like they're from another world. She is such a strong woman of faith. I'm proud to know her and blessed that my girls get to spend time with her. I'm thankful for precious time spent with a wonderful family.

She got a very pretty frame!

The cousins had quite a few jam sessions. :)

the girls really enjoyed dancing to guitar music

they wore themselves out!

hiding from mosters

Where oh where could they be???

Bean in pink and Bell in white

daddy... in heaven

Last night while watching a video of a friend with his daddy, Bean said, "I have a daddy.... in heaven"
She said it sort of sadly and i got tears in my eyes.
She looked at Bell and said, "I don't like my daddy in heaven. I like him here... to play with me." -Bean

"I want him here to play with you too, sweetie. He would have so much fun playing with you." -me

"But, he'll be back soon." -Bean

"No.... He wont ever be back. Remember. When people go to heaven, they stay there. Daddy wont be able to play with you anymore, but he loves you very much and he knows God is taking care of you and loving you while he's in heaven. We miss him a lot though, don't we?" -me

"It's okay mommy, it'll be okay. Don't cry mommy. I right here. I hug you and make it better." -Bell

"yeah, we miss him" - Bean

yeah... we do.

I keep thinking, as time passes and despite my best efforts, that they will start to forget. I even worry about this when I ask them something about him and they don't want to talk about it or don't seem to remember.
But then, there are moments like this and I'm reminded they walk around with it the same way I do. Everything is fine, but it's always there. One minute everything is under control and then... the memory comes... that longing feeling... that desperately-missing-him feeling.
I want them to see me grieve when the tears naturally come, and yet, I already see Bell concerned when Bean talks about her daddy. She'll look at me, at my face, and she's ready to touch or hug me and tell me it'll be okay. I don't want her, or Bean to stop talking about him because it makes me cry. For now, I just try to balance the times I shed tears with the times I discuss him happily and pray for God to step in and give them (and me) His peace and comfort.

pretty girl

oh....
you didn't think this post was about our Bailey?
she was recently groomed... you have to admit... she is pretty.

rotini rules

I spent the best $4 a couple of days ago when I purchased 3 bags of cheap pasta. I dumped it into a plastic container and let the girls have at it. 

A half hour later, this is what my floor looked like:

It was EVERYWHERE! But, it was so worth it. :)