table chats #6

Beans story, "Little Monsters vs. Big Monster":

table chats #5

maybe i should have entitled this series, "Table Stories"?
This is Bell's monster story :

She describes the monster's scary eyes and roar - says again that he's scary and then of course, the end.

The Art Fair

Went to an art fair today.
Inspired by a amazingly gifted artist and writer. Just wanted to pass on his website.

http://www.patrickjreynolds.com/

A few quotes - describing his prints:

Epiphany -
"As we journey through decades of our lives, time anneals our thoughts into what we are. On an ocean of pain endured by those who see beyond the horizon There is an epiphany of hope that forever quides us, that forever softens the crashing waves of life as we sail into the night." -Patrick J. Reynolds

Blame - "As we lend ourselves to the gauntlet of our lives, it is He that we tend to nail the blame to and crown with doubt. Who are we not to realize that His presence evermore will defend us as we ourselves cannot defend. It is by the simple underlying truth of who He really is that we can be forgiven."

"If we could see into the secret souls of others we would find sorrow and suffering enough to forgive anything."

pretty beautiful stuff, huh.

and I'll end w/ my favorite short one:
"I don't know what tomorrow holds
but I know who holds tomorrow." (that may not be his original... there is no author listed... maybe anon)

Florida is great! We'll try to bring some sunshine back with us. :)

table chats #4

Bell's story:

There was a big, big dog and head and it wanted to eat a lollipop, and her mommy said, "no, no, no lollipop" But he didn't eat a good dinner, but he saw something in the room. It was a monster in their house. The end.

table chats #3

Bean again: (translation follows)

"Once upon a time there was a giant m&m. The other m&ms said, 'wow! that's a big m&m'." Then something about the m&m asking for medicine ... then something I don't understand.... followed by "the end". :)

table chats #2

And now it's Bell's turn. This cracks me up. I probably should have waited until she was done chewing her carrot. oops. next time.

Just so there is no confusion.... there is no cat named Pappy.
I have no idea where she came up with that especially so quickly.
Nothing they say can surprise me anymore.

table chats - #1

While I'm on vacation, I've prepared a few posts ahead of time - to be posted in my absence - for your entertainment. The first few are series of videos taken during dinner that I'm entitling "table chats". (you probably noticed that already)
Anyway. This video (of Bean) was taken because the conversation you see in it had already been going on for awhile.

Boz is a character (a big green bear) from a christian DVD series. There is a song on the DVD that spells his name. I think it's so ingrained in her head, she just kept going back to it.

off to Florida

This is post is set to go up at 4pm Saturday - our flight time. We're off to visit Grampy and Grandma (and lots of other wonderful family too)
Watch for some fantastic video posts while we're gone. :) They are scheduled to go up every day or two until we return.

Blessings!

nice surprise

This was taken sometime between December and February last year (i think)
I just ran across it today by accident and it was wonderful to hear Darin's laugh.
You can hear Bell talking, but it's Bean who's laying on the pillow chatting on the phone. Made us both laugh.

a drumming blast from the past

This is from fall of 2009. The girls were just over  a year old (i think)

Bean is on the left and Bell on the right. I laugh at the end because Bell starts doing the sign for more (she use to do the sign for more when she wanted to eat ... more.) She was doing the sign every 10min for a few days. It always made us laugh. :)

and a swirly

So, I had to take a picture of this. The girls worked together for a few minutes and lined all the little magnets up just like this. I can't help but wonder... are these my children? Darin would definitely make an "OCD" joke if he saw this. :o)

 
I don't know where they get it, but maybe they'll be more organized than he or I ever was. :)

Bell

 Bell's new phrase: "uh sure".

"Bell, would you like some milk?"   - "uh sure"
"Bell, can you give that ball back to Bean?" - "uh sure"
"Bell, did you just put your baby's hair in the toilet?"  - "uh sure"    - great

Yes, Peggy Sue (or possibly Mary Lou... i get them confused when they're naked) got a swirly today.

This picture cracks me up :)

Bell - writing a "note"

 Me (to Bell, who is in the bathroom) - "Bell, do you need help?"
Bell - "no"
Me - "what are you doing in there?"
Bell - "just reading"

all the girls hanging out on the "beds" (diaper changing pads)

They really do love each other

 Me (to Bell who 5 min later is still in the bathroom) - "doing okay, Bell?"
Bell - "yeah. i wipe my nose right here" (touches the "clean" folded towels on the table next to her)

Look at those faces!

Bean says, "poke, poke, poke-her-face" (poker face - yes a lady gaga tribute. not my fault)

 Bean walks into the kitchen as I'm finishing dinner - "Hi mommy"
me - "hi"
Bean - "how your day?"
me (laughing) - "i'm having a good day, how's your day?"
Bean (nodding her head)- "it good."

sweet

 tonight....as Bell goes poopy on the potty, she says. "it came out, mommy! i so happy. i so proud of me" :o)

sharing the grief

I've been busy reading other blogs lately... a lot.

It occurs to me often, while reading the blogs of other young widows (who are amazingly gifted at writing and brave and honest) that I don't write alot about my grief here. A little bit, yes.
But everything really emotional, or personal, I write and save in a word document entitled, "my grief".

I don't know why.

Maybe because I started this blog as a way to share my daughters and my experience of raising them which I despirately miss sharing with Darin.  - But I don't write that much about him, or how much I miss him.
Maybe I'm not brave enough, or it feels too personal.
I'm not really a private person though. ...I know some of you, who know me well, are laughing at the thought of me being a private person. It's true, I usually give way too much information.

... Maybe it's just that I try to keep this blog positive because I'm trying to keep my life positive. I allow myself these moments of tears, sobbing, pleading, questioning.... but as the emotions pour out, I feel better... the moments that follow my "melt-downs" are usually peaceful ones where I'm focused on where Darin is now and how peaceful and happy he is.
I've had these weird experiences, one was a dream and the other two were just moments where I felt connected to him in some way. (again, not things I've shared on the blog, but have written down other places... maybe someday) These experiences begin with intense, and sometimes uncontrollable emotion and yet they always end with this amazing feeling of peace. An untainted, heavenly kind of peace.

I want my girls to remember Darin; to remember all the good that was in him and how much he loved them, to remember the wonderful moments they shared with him, but I don't want them growing up with this fanciful idea of a "super, god-like" father who was perfect. I want them to understand that his life here on earth was one plagued with disease, frustrations and sin...sin we all carry and suffer from in some way here on earth.

I, and I know Darin too, want their focus to be on their Heavenly Father. I want them to lean on Him, cry out to Him for help and strive know Him. Darin would want me to teach them that God is in control, that He loves them, and that because of Him, they'll get to see their Daddy again someday. That without Him, there would be no peace.
At night we use to tell the girls that we loved them and then Darin would say, "but Jesus loves you even more" as we walked out he or I would say, "somehow". It's hard to imagine a love more intense or protective than the love that Darin and I have for our girls. And yet, we know it's true. That love that surpasses our human understanding - the love that crosses all barriers... Love Himself. He is the one we are supposed to always keep first, keep focused on, and strive to know better.

So, our girls will always know who their Daddy is: He is a child of God just like they are. He is a citizen of heaven, just like they are. He is loved, redeemed and forever free... just like they are... by the true and amazing grace of God.

Taken the day of the girls' baptism remembrance ceremony. Darin actually baptized both of the girls in the NIC-U on one particularly scary evening when we found out Lena had an infection and didn't know if she would make it.

sunday girls

A nice, relaxing Sunday:

Bell

Bean - she hiked up her leggings :)

Bailey enjoys Sundays as well

good books for a sunday afternoon

discussing their literature choices

conversation

pig tails

I love pigtails! The girls like the bows, but not the process of putting their hair into pigtails. 

But,they just look so darn cute.

Bean

Bell

Bean

Bell

Bean

Bell

 

 I'll be posting soon with some great quotes. Have a nice weekend!

WBW - jan. 12th -2010

One year ago:

our world revolved around elmo -glad that's over

bell liked to dress up - still does

Bean liked to pretend to sleep - still does

twim mom robot conversation

too funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE&feature=player_embedded

one of those

Today has been "one of those" days.
I don't have a bunch of pictures to post because:

the pepper the girls dumped all over themselves and the kitchen probably wouldn't show up in the pictures
the $20 bill that was ripped into 7 pieces would be unrecognizable
the three sets of underwear/pants the girls went through would be nasty by now if they weren't put into the washer right away
and i wiped the crayon off of the door and chair before taking pictures of them

enough negative -

i didn't stop reading "the magic tree house" in order to take a picture of them listening intently to every word. (we actually started and finished a "chapter book" today. they LOVED it)
a picture wouldn't allow you to hear Bell question, very seriously, to her gummy bear, "are you having a problem with your feet, or hands or head, or nose?"
i am too busy typing this post right now to take a picture of both girls cuddled in the chair taking turns kissing each other on the cheek.

use your imagination today

happy tuesday :)

cousins are great!

The girls are blessed with two wonderful cousins. One is really into football, which is why he's not in these pictures. The other enjoys jumping on the bed until it becomes too dangerous pretending to sleep as much as Bell and Bean.

 

harmonicas for christmas

Bean with her harmonica

Bell with her harmonica

These videos are from a couple of weeks ago. They have really improved their skills. Which means that they can make noise consistently... if i ever figure out how to play a song, maybe i could teach them. :) It's not looking to promising.

oatmeal?

The oatmeal situation at our house is getting out of hand. The girls use to have oatmeal every morning....just oatmeal and sometimes a little brown sugar.
This is what their oatmeal looked like yesterday:

Bell's oatmeal

Bean's oatmeal

The toppings these days can include, but are not limited to:
brown sugar, raisins, granola, blueberries, cheerios, and milk of course

Is it even still oatmeal at this point?

not so bloody Bell

It looks like Bell has a bloody nose. Alas, this is what happens when you attempt to lick ketchup off of a plate.

In her defense, she had run out of chicken nuggets.

During the taking of this picture, I made some reference like, "silly munchkin". She repeated it. It sounded like this:

Is it just me, or does it sound like she's calling herself a "silly mexican"? I was laughing so hard, I had to have her repeat it for this video. Maybe it's just me.

jumping ballet and a final Shipoopi!

How's that for a post title. :)  I have some catching up to do.
These videos are from yesterday.

Bean in her "tutu". She LOVES this shirt. :) She was calling it her "ballet" for awhile. She would hold it up and look at Bell and say, "yook at my ballet". :)

This next video is of Bell jumping. She tells me about 1/2 way through, "you can see it again".

And this last one is the final exciting moment in their still favorite song, "Shipoopi" from Music Man.
 

 "You can win her yeeeeeeeeeeet. shipoopi!" :)

costume?

I was helping Bell on the potty, when, from the doorway, I hear "yook at my cotume, mommy." (look at my costume, mommy)
This is what I saw

she's a clever little Bean. :o)

no more faith

Another Andrew Peterson song.
I've always loved this one... Darin has no need for faith... or hope... He's in the presence of God. What he hoped for... what He had faith in has been revealed - but the love remains... the love overflows.
When the grief becomes unbearable, I try to picture him... covered in love. Like when you see the sun rays shining down through a small opening in clouds... it looks like God's spotlight on something... warming it with His intense love. I see Darin standing there...maybe lying there... just basking in it - the amazing warmth of that perfect love... feeling peaceful and perfect.
That vision gives me peace.

"This is not another song about the mountains
Except about how hard they are to move
Have you ever stood before them
Like a mustard seed who's waiting for some proof?

I say faith is a burden
It's a weight to bear
It's brave and bittersweet
And hope is hard to hold to
Lord, I believe
Only help my unbelief

Till there's no more faith
No more hope
I'll see your face and Lord, I'll know
That only love remains
Have you heard it said that Jesus is the answer
And thought about the many doubts you hide
Have you wondered how he loves you
If He really knows how dark you are inside

I say faith is a burden
It's a weight to bear
It's brave and bittersweet
And hope is hard to hold to
Lord, I believe
Only help my unbelief

Till there's no more faith
No more hope
I'll see your face and Lord, I'll know
When there's no more faith
And no more hope
I'll sing your praise and let them go
'cause only love
Only love remains

So I will drive these roads in thunder and in rain
And I will sing your song at the top of my lungs
And I will praise you, Lord, in glory and in pain
And I will follow you till this race is won
And I will drive these roads till this motor won't run
And I will sing your song from sea to shining sea
And I will praise you Lord, till your kingdom comes
And I will follow where you lead

Till there's no more faith
No more hope
I'll see your face and Lord, I'll know
When there's no more faith
And no more hope
I'll sing your praise and let them go
'cause only love
Only love remains"

-Andrew Peterson "No More Faith"

'til i see Darin again and Your face, Lord... I will praise You.

chatham

Fun with the Mathis family! :)

libby and sarah

libby with the girls (such a sweet puppy)

wayne brady - lol

We had a great time! The kids LOVED the instruments, the puppies, and playing with sarah, jacob, and julia. The grown ups enjoyed some very yummy food and wonderful conversation with great friends. :)

no champagne in champaign

We had a great time visiting Grandad and Grandma in Champaign

however, we didn't have champagne there...
we went to chatham for our new years celebration and champagne. :) .. see next post for pictures of fun.